How do lesbians have sex?

Irrespective of your age, gender and sexual preferences having sex for the first time can be pretty confusing. Most people tend to get uncomfortable with the idea of having sex for the first time, mostly due to myths and misconceptions around it.[1]

While sex isn’t a taboo, lesbian sex has always been a sort of mystery to one. Why? Because the myths and misconceptions do not seem to end. Ladies must educate themselves about lesbian sex before indulging in it.[2]

You are free to have any type of sex you like

Lesbian sex isn’t the only phrase or term, but there are others like it. Lesbian sex has always been considered to be sexual activity between two individuals. But, this may not always be the case.[3]

Often, two women indulging in sex may be queer, pansexual, bisexual or even heterosexual. Sexual activity between two women should never be limited only to lesbians.

Also, it is necessary to note that lesbian sex has never confined itself to cisgender couples. People with intersex genitalia, female or male genitalia can also indulge in sex. Sex is a very personal choice and depends on how people perceive it.[4]

The heterosexual couples may indulge in sexual activities such as oral sex, penetrative sex or even foreplay. It is completely the personal preference and freedom of the individuals in how they wish to perform the activity.

The same goes for lesbian sex, whether it is trans or cisgender, sex is sex and the people involved in it may perform it in any way that pleases them.

Sex is not the same for all

The sex education that we have been given in educational institutions or communities has always been limited to heterosexual couples. Our general notion of sex has always been a penis in the vagina.[5]

Penis-in-vagina sex is a real thing but yet, sex has a different meaning for different people. The LGBTQ community’s notion of sex is different and widely accepted.

Many people indulge in different kinds of sex, but the list goes on without any idea of it. Some of the activities that do count as sex but are not often regarded as one include the following

  • Breast and nipple play
  • Manual sex such as clitoral play, fingering, handjobs
  • Oral sex such as penis, vagina and anus
  • penile-vaginal sex
  • Penile-anal sex
  • Sex toys usage
  • Masturbation
  • Genital rubbing

This may sound a little weird but kissing and cuddling will also be an activity of sex. Since the above-mentioned is a complete list of sex, lesbian sex can include it all. Sex isn’t just limited any longer and is either a wide concept or a narrow. It all comes down to your personal preferences at the end of the day.[6]

Myths to be busted

As stated earlier, there are several myths about lesbian sex. But, these are just myths so you don’t necessarily need to believe them. Some of the common myths include

Someone needs to take the role of “the man”

Many people are under the notion that in lesbian sex, one partner needs to be in the receiving end while the other should be penetrating. This may be valid for some couples but not all. Penetration doesn’t make you ‘man,’ so you can even choose not to indulge in it.[7]

It’s easy since they are women

Female genitalia varies, so just because they said it’s going to be easy, it is not. Often, it may so happen that a female would have female genitalia while the other partner may be a trans-woman with a penis. Not every woman receives pleasure in the same way. So, you need to talk to each other and find ways to make things pleasurable for you.

You have to scissor

Scissoring refers to the process of women stretching legs wide open and rubbing vulvas against each other. It is believed that lesbians usually indulge in this kind of sexual activity to find excessive pleasure. Well, not all lesbians would indulge in such sexual activities since it can get uncomfortable.[8]

You have to use a strap-on

Strap-ons are sex toys that appear like a penis. They may either come in the form of a harness or will have an underwear-like attachment. Strap-ons are used to penetrate the vagina or anus. Often it is said that these strap-ons are a must-have for lesbian sex; it is not necessary. Most lesbian couples find strap-ons impractical. Also, a number of them have claimed these to be painful and not pleasurable.

There’s no risk of pregnancy or STI

If one partner is trans and the other is female, there is a chance for lesbian couples to get pregnant. Also, there’s absolutely no such thing as lesbian couples can’t contract STI. Irrespective of what genitals you have, there is a risk of contracting STI. [9]

Communicate with your partner

Before you indulge in sex with your partner, you need to ask for their consent.

Before the time comes, make sure to ask your partner if they are comfortable with it. It is natural to get nervous before jumping to action, and the only way to get out of it is to talk to your partner about it.[10]

Most people haven’t had sex before, so it is quite natural to tell them about your sexual preferences and that you haven’t indulged in any before.

Sharing ideas can be intimate and can help to develop a much stronger bond.

Communication is the key to a strong relationship and not assumptions. Before taking it to the next level, you need to consult your partner about it.[11]

Positions to try

There is no end of sexual positions to try, but you should also indulge in some erotic gymnastics that can spice up things in your bedroom.[12]

Legs open for manual sex

Keep the knees bent with your legs wide open for a comfortable sexual position. Your partner can lie on their stomach with their face between your legs.


If your partner is a trans-woman with the vagina, you can always indulge in the missionary position.

Often people place a pillow under them to raise the pelvis. This is one great angle that can spice up things for both of you.[13]


The person to be penetrated needs to be on the four knees apart. The giver kneeled behind the person and penetrated using penis, sex toy or fingers.

It is necessary to ensure oral stimulation with the penis for a better impact.

Having sex for the first time can be pretty confusing. There’s a lot of things going on which is why you need to practice it thoroughly.[14]

The better the practice, the better skills you will develop. As they say, practice makes you perfect. There are several LGBTQ providers, so if you are confused about anything, you need to consult them.


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