Haven’t you ever had sex? Here’s what you need to know

Many people haven’t ever had or sex or some haven’t had it in a long time. Well, there’s no shame either. Sex positivity is something everyone needs to follow. Even today, sex is a taboo in many countries, and many people shy away from talking about it.[1]

Yet, people have come a long way, and people are eventually more vocal about sex and the requirements of their partners. Sex positivity, as said, is great, but that doesn’t mean you need to push everyone into the bed. Being sex-positive means to indulge in consensual and healthy sex.[2]

As people are becoming accepting of sex, many of them also prefer to stay away from it. Everyone has their reason for having sex, such as relieving stress, experiencing pleasure, intimacy, self-validation, and more.

But – and here is the thing – sex is not the only way to gain these. There are other ways too to experience these.

If you want to experience these feelings but are disinterested in sex, you can still choose to do it. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex. Sex is a pure feeling and needs to be respected.[3]

In today’s world, sex is glorified, and hence, anyone who doesn’t wish to indulge in sex is often considered to be weird. But, there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex.

What is it to never want to have sex?

People who do not want to have sex ever need to undergo a lot of social shame, which is completely common. If you have read metaphysical poets, you already know maybe what not losing your virginity means. Mainstream media and most of these metaphysical poets have asked to make the most of the time and indulge in sex to have pleasure. But it’s okay not to have sex.

Often you will be surrounded by comments like there will be cobwebs in your vagina, or you won’t ever be able to attain an erection, but that’s completely normal. Several pieces of research have shown that in the adolescent period, only an interest in sex develops.[4]

The interest in sex develops when one is familiar with their sexual interests and knows what is to come their way. But, some people never develop an interest in sex, which is considered to be normal too. However, we should leave it on the individuals to decide whether or not they want to have sex.

Asexuality and Celibacy

Asexuality may be seen as a sexual defect, but it is not. The world we live in today is very sexually active, but being asexual in such an environment is nothing wrong. Researches have shown that there is no physiological difference in the abilities of heterosexual and asexual women.[5]

Celibacy is different from asexuality because celibacy means to refrain from indulging in sexual activities completely. On the other hand, being asexual means to indulge in sexual activities (solo or partnered) and not be sexually attracted to them.

Every individual is different, and hence, sexuality is celebrated. Society may force you into believing that being asexual is something wrong, but it is not. It is never necessary to be conformed by society’s shackles to decide what is right or wrong for you. Being in touch with the like-minded individuals can only help you determine what the best for you is.

Sex has many health benefits, but just because you do not have sex does not mean you can’t enjoy these benefits.[6]

Not Having Sex is Prioritizing Yourself

While many people cannot really develop an interest in sexual activities, many people purposely avoid indulging in sex. Not having sex with a partner is one of the best ways to go by self-awakening. You won’t be bound by society’s rules and will have enough opportunities to indulge in non-sexual activities.[7]

Also, when you choose not to have sex, you choose you over others. It just helps you create a more profound and meaningful relationship but with yourself.

How to get the same benefits as that of sex?

Sex offers a feeling of warmth and connection and, at the same time, helps to burn calories and boost the immune system.[8]

If sex is all about being intimate and developing healthy relationships with your partner, then celibacy can

  • Offer you the chance to develop a stronger bond with yourself
  • Help you find out newer interests by sexual or non-sexual activities
  • Boost focus and improve concentrations
  • Develop a healthier relationship with friends and family members

As we know, sex helps to relieve stress. But celibacy can

  • Help you prioritize your own self
  • Boost self-care thereby bringing in physical satisfaction
  • Control emotions
  • Boost self-confidence to indulge in physical exercises to release tension

Celibacy can be as effective as sex in

  • Helping you rediscover yourself
  • Get over performance anxiety
  • Turn your focus towards indulging in physical exercises to treat cardiovascular conditions
  • Preach mindfulness

Loss of interest in sex

Often people lose interest in sex and stop having it, which completely points to a direction of renewal. Hence, you will need to look for better opportunities to indulge in other activities.[9]

It might have happened that you had sexual desires at one point and got them fulfilled, but later on, they vanished. There is absolutely no shame in admitting the lack of sexual desires. The priorities and preferences change with time, and it is normal.

It is okay if you don’t want to have sex, as long as it does not affect your mental and physical health.

But a lot of people are curious about experiencing the feeling of sex. In such a case, you can be open about it. But, being open about sex will play an important role in helping you understand what understand why did you lose interest in sex.[10]

Know the red flags

Often you may feel uncomfortable around individuals regarding the concern that they might be disrespecting your decision—set boundaries for the ones who refuse to accept your decision, especially for the physical ones.

You must believe your instincts. Move away from someone who refuses to accept your decision.

The decision of not wanting to have sex may come as a huge blow to someone. Being sexually active or inactive is a completely personal decision. You can choose to be romantically involved with your partner without physical touch.[11]

[1] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3891845/

[2] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3018688/

[3]  Frost J. Singh S. Finer LB. Factors associated with contraceptive use and nonuse, United States, 2004. Perspect Sex Reprod Health. 2007;39:90–99. [PubMed] [Google Scholar]

[4] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3283439/

[5] Frost JJ. Singh S. Finer LD. U.S. women’s one-year contraceptive use patterns 2004. Perspect Sex Reprod Health. 2007;39:48–55. [PubMed] [Google Scholar]

[6]  Santelli JS. Brener ND. Lowry R. Bhatt A. Zabin LS. Multiple sexual partners among U.S. adolescents and young adults. Fam Plann Perspect. 1998;30:271–275. [PubMed]

[7] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3982220/

[8] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3180636/

[9] Jamieson LK. Wade TJ. Early age of first sexual intercourse and depressive symptomatology among adolescents. J Sex Res. 2010 Sep;14:1–11. [PubMed] [Google Scholar]

[10] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2606907/

[11] Manlove J. Romano-Papillo A. Ikramullah E. Not yet: programs to delay first sex among teens. Washington, DC: National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy; 2004. [Google Scholar]